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Last night, modern bard of the cunnilingus paean Rihanna performed with “an unabashedly sexual swagger,” “grop[ing] her crotch” on the stage of Los Angeles’s Staples Center. What is the meaning of all this crotch grabbing? A careful study suggests that Rihanna has five unique crotch-grabbing techniques, ranging from Illuminati handshakes to vaginal ventriloquism.
Fig-Leaf Hand
Expressing modesty.
Crotch-a-Fella Hands
Reminding us that the Roc-a-Fella hand sign that Beyoncé always does, that everyone thinks is an Illuminati handshake? Actually looks so much more like a vagina.
Jazz Vagina
“I’m going to rouge my knees / And roll my stockings down / And all that jazz! / And vagina.”
Ventriloquist Vagina
Rihanna’s got your Vagina Monologues right here.
Just Wants to Itch Her Vagina
Hey, it happens.