From What Would You Like to Consciously Uncouple?

Just hours ago, Gwyneth Paltrow announced that she and Chris Martin would be divorcing — nay, separating — nay, consciously uncoupling. Yes, that sounds about right. It’s the Gwyneth way to no longer be married. From what would you like to uncouple, in a conscious manner? Snow boots? Quinoa? Ryan Gosling as a crush object?

- Wool sweaters.

- Crop tops.

- Thigh gap.

- Kale.

- Organic sex toys.

- Kimye coverage.

- Facebook.

- Butt selfies.

- Group selfies.

- Bodega coffee.

- Mirror face.

- Murray Hill bros.

- Upper-knuckle rings.

- Running five minutes late.

- Men in flip-flops.

You go your way, I’ll go mine. Join us in separation.