Like a parade of women before her, Nicki Minaj appears on the cover of Rolling Stone glistening in a tight, white tank-top, with nipples gone a-missing. It’s the look of Barbie boobs: hard, glossy mountain-breasts.
Women that cover Rolling Stone have the distinct duty of leaving their nipples at home for the day. Once Janet Jackson brought hers with her and someone had to run up behind her last minute to cover her up.
Usually this mannequin look is staged in the great outdoors, no place for gentle nips.
Sometimes the nipless woman bears an expression that asks: Wait, hey, are you guys gonna Photoshop my boobs smooth or what?
Yes, yes, we are, replies Rolling Stone.
Sometimes the nips are covered with a bra below the tank top, or twisted slightly, as if the nips themselves had demurred (see: Lena Dunham, Rihanna twice).
This procedure has extended to young men of Rolling Stone as well. Justin Bieber’s nipples were excluded twice (one, two), though his chain remained visible under the tank-top ribs. Was he wearing pasties? Were the nipples extracted last-minute? These are just two great and productive things to wonder about.
There’s a message present in these missing breast punctuations. These gods are not like us. They’re perfect, they’re smooth, they should be presented in all their impeccable, flawless glory. Rolling Stone: It’s the premier magazine of beautiful, talented cyborgs.