Billboard did a cute thing where they asked celebs to discuss their favorite emoji. Charli XCX is into palm trees, they learned, while Gwen Stefani uses the cloud to express her current state. And Diplo — well, Diplo said, “The eggplant one — it’s code for stuff.”
I do not have the lung capacity to emit a sigh as deep as this warrants. If Diplo (or Adam Levine) is really into something, it’s a good sign that the time has come to let that thing go. So, from now on, no self-respecting human is allowed to use the eggplant to symbolize “stuff” (penis, sex, sex stuff, penis stuff, ratatouille) ever again.
But since we still have “stuff” needs, the Cut has a whole list of other suitable replacements. Click through and find your new favorite! Thanks a lot, Diplo, you [eggplant emoji].
The Nose
Arguably the most realistic emoji representation of a penis.
The Meaty Drumstick
Some might argue the second-most realistic. Certainly the fleshiest.
The Guardsman
There isn’t an emoji with a turtleneck. This is the next best thing.
Saxophone or Trumpet
Please don’t make us explain this, guys.
Lil’ Pencil Nub
We’re not sizeist.
Rocket Ship
Only for the deserving.
Either Whale Emoji
Wild card.
The Corn
A suitable replacement for those who fear change and want to stick with a vegetable phallus.
The Telescope
The length adjusts, making it a one-size-fits-all emoji.
The Microphone
Helping people make beautiful music together.