If women ran Hollywood, what would awards season look like? The Cut posed this question to 14 entertainment-industry insiders — male and female — at the many red-carpet events this past weekend: the ACE Eddie Awards, Art Directors Guild Awards, and Entertainment Weekly’s pre-party at the SAG Awards. The consensus? High heels would be banned in favor of flats and caftans, dessert would be served first, and there would be less cleavage and less Botox. There would be more roles for women of color and a healthier sense of competition. Read on for this fantasy red-carpet world, from Kiersey Clemons, Bellamy Young, Adam McKay, and more.
Zoe Lister-Jones, Life in Pieces
“Everyone would be in flats and kind of like a muumuu situation: caftans and flats. There would always be food. If I was running it, it would be organic, gluten-free, delicious, an array of finger foods. The flats I think would be the key. Like a Birkenstock vibe? Birks on the carpet. This is what I’m campaigning for: at the top of the carpet they have heels for rent — like nice heels though, like a Saint Laurent — and then at the end you would take your flats and go into the party.”
Michaela Watkins, Casual
“The food would be really amazing. They would serve dessert first, and then if you wanted something savory, fine. Oh god, there’d be a whole gossip segment like, ‘Did you guys hear? Do you know who’s dating who now? Do you think it will work? Discuss.’ Every table would break into discussion groups, and then, like, ‘Tell a personal story to a stranger.’ There’d be an overshare moment.”
Kiersey Clemons, Transparent, Dope
“There would be more equality among women of color. We would get more opportunities to be portrayed in film. Obviously, it’s harder for a white man to understand, but a white woman already has the stunt of being a woman, so she can put herself in the position: ‘Well, what if I was a woman of color?’”
Cathy Curtin, Orange Is the New Black
“That’s a really scary question because I don’t know if that would mean there would be less Botox or more Botox. I don’t know if there’d be less filler or more filler. I’m actually a Botox virgin, and I don’t know what women of a certain age are actually doing — if it’s being propelled by women or fashion or by the concept of the patriarchal male society. So that is an amazing question and a frighteningly wonderful question, and I do hope that Hollywood is someday run by many, many, many women. It would be amazing in terms of what we would see in terms of female roles. Like Judi Dench, Maggie Smith, these are amazing women that belong and there’s so many more of them.”
Adam McKay, director/writer of The Big Short
“[Awards shows] would immediately be 30 percent better, less competitive. They would immediately identify the fact that there is a lot of great creative works that are going on and they should not be put against each other in competition. We did a movie about Wall Street, The Big Short, and I would love to see a Wall Street run by women. That would also be amazing. I would love to see a government run by women. You know, the country of Iceland, after they collapsed financially, literally threw all the men out and replaced them with women and now the country is back on track. So, amen. Yes, please. That would be great.”
Bellamy Young, Scandal
“We would go through a phase where everyone won, where everybody got a trophy just for participation, ‘cause we are all so full of love and so full of support for each other. And then it would come back around to, like, no one would get it more than one year in a row cause they’d make sure that everything was very fair. It would just be so deeply considerate. No losers, only love. And way more comfortable shoes. Flats for everyone.”
Adam Devine, actor and comedian, Eddie Awards host
“There would be more flats, less high heels.”
Natalie Morales, Grinder
“There wouldn’t be an importance put on wearing high heels at all these things. That would be good. I think we’d all be really chill about it, and I think it would be a little more fair maybe? A little more diplomatic? But otherwise exactly the same, in all the good ways where people get recognized for good work that they do. If women ran it, it would be the same, just a little better.”
Jessica Pimentel, Orange Is the New Black
“Maybe there wouldn’t be only little cutie chicks in little short dresses giving you the awards? Maybe we’ll have a wonderful guy like my friend Brock O’Hurn giving awards out? Look him up, he’s fantastic. Or maybe it would just be robots, I don’t know.”
Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Mercy Street
“The whole experience would be different. We would celebrate one another in a different way. The fashion would may be more exciting and interesting — if we were doing it for each other and less for men I think there would be less cleavage and more avant-garde.”
Vicky Jeudy, Orange Is the New Black
“The anthem would be the Beyoncé song: [singing] Who runs the world, girls. Women are so powerful and I think shows like Orange Is the New Black, we have a chance to reflect on these powerful characters and share them with the world. Women are so multitalented in terms of giving birth and being a mom and being a wife, going to work, just taking care of everything, so I think we’d be great. The closing song? Started from the bottom now we’re here, what, started from the bottom now the whole team’s here. We’d have to change it to women, but we’re all here, that would be it.”
Chris Carter, producer/writer of the X-Files
“I have employed many female editors. I’ve worked with female executives. I’m working with one now, Dana Walden, who runs everything at Fox. I’ve dealt with Lucie Salhany. I’ve dealt with Sherry Lansing. There are female executives out there running this show. I think this is people trying to make a story. I think it is something of a male-dominated business. It always has been, but I think women are rising above that glass ceiling.”
Ta’Rhonda Jones, Empire
“Because today we don’t have that girl power like we used to, where women uplift one another, I think there’d be more embracing one another a little bit more. I think we’d be a force to reckon with for sure. I don’t wanna wear my high heels right now, I hate them, I’m a gym-shoe fanatic. And no makeup — you don’t have to look good all the time. I think we’d be more comfortable in our skin being out in public, absolutely.”
Niecy Nash, Scream Queens
“Women are very creative and I think that it would be interesting to see how the show was put together, who they think would make great presenters. It would probably be a lot funnier, a lot more engaging, and it would get out quicker because we all know we’re ready to take off our Spanx and heels.”