Welcome to Douche of the Week, where tortured Bachelorette viewers Anna Silman and Allie Jones take turns awarding male contestants on the show the honor of … Douche of the Week.
It has been clear from day one that Jordan Rodgers, brother of football player Aaron Rodgers, is probably a douche. But last night was the first time we got a chance to sample Jordan’s distinctive douchey aroma without any Chad-flavored distractions. Here’s why I think Jordan is here for — cue music! — ALL THE WRONG REASONS:
1. His hair is clearly full of secrets.
2. Country singer James Taylor reveals that Jordan acted “entitled” at an off-camera poker game (mysterious!), and also that he is probably just on the show because he wants to be famous. Country singer James Taylor is a sweet angel who is incapable of lies. As he said of himself: “There’s guys here who make more money, there’s guys here who are better looking, there’s guys who are probably smarter.” Ipso facto, Jordan is probably a douche.
4. Nothing he says is convincing or believable in any way. “I want to be in love and engaged at the end of this, and I think we can get there,” he tells JoJo in an attempt to reassure her, while sweating and struggling to make eye contact. “I think I look at you and I see the person that I want to fall in love with, that I am falling in love with, that at the end of this I wanna do life with.”
JoJo, do not “do life” with this man. It’s a trap.
Honorary mention: The producers who spliced footage of Derek crying in the back of a limo with a performance of “Don’t Cry for Me Argentina.”