Before heading to Rio for the Olympic Games, reality-TV star, 30 Rock sex idiot, and guy who swims pretty fast, Ryan Lochte did an interview with Cosmopolitan and revealed that he is looking for love. The quest began on dating apps Bumble and Raya, but Lochte wasn’t finding the right fish in those seas. “Well, one, with Bumble the girl always has to make the first [move], and I don’t really like that. I don’t think that’s a woman job,†Lochte said. “So I got off that. And then Raya [an app for celebrities and creatives], I don’t know. I’m living in Charlotte so that didn’t really work because most of the women you link up with are either in L.A. or New York.â€
And so, like anyone who has run out of options or is maybe just bored, Lochte turned to Tinder.
I heard it took off in Sochi [at the 2014 Winter Olympics] and then people were talking about it and I was like, “Let me try this.†So I got on it and I’ve been matching up with a bunch of gorgeous women who are smart, they have professional jobs and everything. I’m like, “Wow, this is perfect.†So I’ve been on Tinder lately. So far I haven’t had any dates or anything. I’ve just been talking with a couple [women].
Ryan Lochte is looking for the same woman every dude is looking for: someone smart, someone ambitious, someone with a good Instagram game.
You can’t say like looks aren’t everything because, I mean, that’s the first thing that people see. So you definitely see their picture and then you look at their bio and they tell you their job description. I want someone that has goals and all that. Sometimes they post their Instagram name and you can look at their Instagram and just see how they present themselves.
But rest assured, Tinder dates always suck, even if you have 11 Olympic medals. Lochte describes one painful experience:
We went out to dinner and she was a dud, she wasn’t funny, didn’t talk. If I asked her, “So what do you do,†she was like, “I’m an accountant†— that’s it. Just boring. I’m like, “OK, so…†… Yeah. Through text messages and on the phone she talked but then in person it was just like she was a mute and I was like, “Can you please say something?†The whole dinner was kind of ruined. But I got to eat a lot.
… Jeah?