In response to House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s Wednesday letter requesting a postponement of the annual State of the Union address in light of the government shutdown, Donald Trump has issued a letter of his own. He is a very big boy.
“Due to the Shutdown, I am sorry to inform you that your trip to Brussels, Egypt, and Afghanistan has been postponed,” he wrote. “We will reschedule this seven-day excursion when the Shutdown is over. In light of the 800,000 great American workers not receiving pay, I am sure you would agree that postponing this public relations event is totally appropriate.” He added that she could make her journey flying commercial — “that would certainly be your prerogative.”
Surprisingly, Pelosi issued a response near-immediately*.
Dear Mr. President:
Due to the Shutdown, I am sorry to inform you: eat shit.
Sincerely,
Nancy Pelosi
In a reversal of norms, President Trump also issued a response near-immediately.
Dear Madame Speaker:
It seems you are feeling that it might be good to curse out loud on paper in our Great Nation. Because of the 800,000 great American workers not receiving Their Pay I think it would be wise for you to put $5 Billion in the American Swear Jar.
I’m sure you would agree that it would be nice for Working Americans to have a Clean Mouth.
Sincerely,
Donald Trump
Surprisingly, Pelosi issued a response near-immediately.
Dear Mr. President:
Okay. Let me check to see if I have any cash … hold on … checking my purse … oh, okay, I have some riiight here, okay one sec I think I found it — eat shit.
Sincerely,
Nancy Pelosi
Sticking to his new norms, President Trump issued a response near-immediately.
Dear Madame Speaker,
You said you were getting the cash from your Purse yet it has not reached my desk.
The Swear Jar is located on my desk.
Sincerely,
Donald Trump
Pelosi issued a response near-immediately:
Dear Mr. President,
Oh, I put it there. Can you check again? And you said $5 billion, right?
Sincerely,
Nancy Pelosi
President Trump issued a response near-immediately:
Dear Madame Speaker,
Are you sure you put it on the right Desk
Donald Trump
Pelosi issued a response near-immediately:
Dear Mr. President,
Yes.
Sincerely,
Nancy Pelosi
President Trump issued a response near-immediately:
I don’t see the 5 billion Dollars You owe me for your swear
Pelosi issued a response near-immediately:
Dear Mr. President,
I put it on your desk. Did you misplace it? I’m sorry, but can you check again? I don’t want to get upset but I’m not sure why this has become such an issue.
Sincerely,
Nancy Pelosi
President Trump issued a response near-immediately:
Okay I found it
Pelosi issued a response near-immediately:
Dear Mr. President,
You did?
Sincerely,
Nancy Pelosi
President Trump issued a response near-immediately:
Y
Pelosi issued a response near-immediately:
Dear Mr. President,
Okay.
Sincerely,
Nancy Pelosi
And that’s how the government shutdown ended.
*These are not real.