Get That Money is an exploration of the many ways we think about our finances — what we earn, what we have, and what we want. In Secret Side Hustles, we talk to people with “normal” jobs who make extra cash on the sly. Here, a writer explains her side gig as a dominatrix.
When I moved to New York, I got a staff writing job at a daily publication. Around the same time, I started dating a guy who was a submissive, and I began domming recreationally. We would have playtime, and he bought me my first flogger. It really helped me reclaim my power when it comes to sex, and it just fit. I can’t explain it — it just made sense for me.
I really hated my full-time job, so I quit to freelance. I write mostly about health and lifestyle, but it definitely doesn’t pay very well, so I decided to start a dominatrix business on the side.
First, I got a job at a dungeon (a kink parlor specifically for BDSM) to get some experience. I got paid about $80 an hour, but I didn’t last long — I only saw two clients. I needed the cash but at the same time, I’m not willing to put myself in a position where I feel like I’m compromising myself for money. I have rules. Like, I don’t touch dicks. One client tried to rub his dick on me and I freaked out. A girl who worked there said, “Well, you’ll have to get used to being touched.” And I was like, “Do I really? I don’t think so.” The other client wanted an hour-long humiliation session — it was great. I made him cry four times. I had so much fun. The power is like a drug.
When I applied for the dungeon job, I was like, “By the way, I’m also a writer.” They were like, “That’s totally cool. You’re hired!” Then, after my third shift, I was on the train home at 3 a.m. and I got an email that said, “We can’t have you work here anymore because you’re a writer.” Apparently they thought I was going to write an exposé about their shitty dungeon. That was the end of that job, so I went into the dominatrix business on my own.
Now, I see clients for private sessions. I also do flogging at events, and I just started getting into wrestling fetish stuff. I might wrestle a guy and then pee on him when he loses.
It’s hard enough to try to find somebody that you want to be in a relationship with. If you have a kink or a fetish, it’s even harder. You have to add it to the list of other criteria: Do they chew with their mouth closed? Have they got health insurance? Will they slap you in the face? That’s a lot to ask. I understand why people go to other places to have a Yoni egg stuck up their butt — their wife might not want to do that.
If I get a new client, I usually ask for references from their previous doms, or I’ll meet with them first to see if they have a murderer vibe. There are some dominatrixes who make bank, but I’m on the lazier side: $300 is pretty standard for an hour, and there’s no overhead. I usually get the client to pay for a room rental. (They call the rentals dungeons, but they’re basically apartments with impact implements, like canes, and outfits for sissification — like if a guy wants to dress up in female clothes.) They cost about $60 to $100 an hour depending on the space, but it’s great because all the goodies are already there so you don’t have to carry around a bag of dicks all day.
I advertise online, mostly on social media or fetish websites like FetLife. The only problem is that I hate how I look in photographs. I’m trying to take sexy dominatrix pictures but I look like the stuff chicken nuggets are made out of poured into fishnets. I post photos on Instagram with my face hidden and caption them something like, “What are you going to do to serve me today?” If someone contacts me saying they want to fuck me I have to say I’m not an escort. I also get requests from people who want to come over and wash my dishes in exchange for a hand job and I’m like, no. I might as well just use my hands to do my own dishes.
Sometimes doms can get subs to buy them things. I’ll post things online saying stuff like, “I have items on my Amazon wish list, who’s going to please me today?” Some other doms are very into expensive things like fur and leather. But I’m more practical — you can buy me an electric toothbrush or a paper shredder. I have a portable dishwasher on my list but nobody has bought it for me yet — my subs are so cheap. They can’t see my address but Amazon will ship it to me.
I have some regular writing gigs and then the dominatrix work is like my bonus. At the end of the month, once the bills are paid, I’m still broke. Making ends meet is definitely a hustle, and I’m always pulling money from everywhere. At the moment I have two regular clients, so that’s a guaranteed $600 a month. I’m not jetting off to Bora Bora on this income.
I definitely need the money, but domming is also something that I enjoy, so if I can get paid for it, then why not? Some people are good at numbers; they do people’s taxes for a living. I’m good at making people cry. Or hitting them. I know how to make someone’s penis fling around like a helicopter. It’s a skill! Ideally, I’d like my writing to be a bit more steady so I could pay my rent and bills with just that one income, and then have the dominatrix work be my extra money. I also want to stay in control. I don’t want to get into a situation where I say, “Well, I know I said I wouldn’t do that, but I could use the cash.”
How secret do I keep it? It’s not something that I normally tell people because you just don’t know how they’ll to receive it. I’ve told my mom, but I didn’t go into the details about what I do when I dom. I’d never keep it hidden from someone I’m dating but I don’t mention it on my professional writing website or social media and I wouldn’t want those contacts to find out. Sometimes it is fun because I have a little secret. I might have come from a session where I just kicked somebody in the balls for an hour, and while I’m waiting for the subway, I’m thinking, “If you knew what I just did…”
When I’m not domming, I don’t want to hear from my clients. Sometimes I get drunk texts at 3 a.m. saying things like, “Hey, I want to peg you.” And I’m like, “I don’t like you as a person. What makes you think I care about your dick at this hour?” It does affect my patience for dating — I have very little of it now. Imagine having to deal with someone with an hour-long hard-on for your job. This Saturday night, I plan on just reading a book and watching some Alton Brown.