Please take a seat. Don’t worry — this isn’t bad news. Everything is fine. I just think it would be safer if you heard what I have to say while seated. (I understand you are maybe trying to adopt a “standing desk” lifestyle, or maybe even a treadmill desk, so if either of those is the case and you do not have a chair nearby, I would suggest sitting on the floor, or a balance ball if you have one of those, which you seem like you might.) Would you like a glass of water? No? Okay, I’ll just get right to it.
As you know, Prince George, the eldest child of Prince William, Duke of Cambridge, and Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, once allegedly told someone that he was called “Archie,” thus allegedly establishing “Archie” as a sort-of nickname. We have come to know him as both Prince George and “Archie,” and we have made peace with it. Well. Now it seems there is another Prince George nickname in our midst, which we now must add to our cache of Prince George nicknames.
You can see why I’ve asked you to sit down.
According to a Vanity Fair article about Prince George’s surprisingly normal kindergarten life, the young Prince goes by … well, I’ll let Vanity Fair tell you, via a parent of another child in Prince George (a.k.a. Archie’s) class:
“George is really happy at school, [and] his nickname is P.G.,” says a fellow parent. “He’s very popular and has lots of friends, and there’s very little fuss made about who he is.”
“George is really happy at school, [and] his nickname is P.G.” Ah! Who knew a sucker punch could be as soft? Who could have imagined a knife in our back could be as sweet? A second nickname — “P.G.” — unknown to us until now. A secret moniker of a famous small child we thought we sort of knew, from what we have read online and in magazines. Life does move pretty fast, as Ferris Bueller once claimed. (Or should I say, F.B.?)
Well, we have nothing to do now but try to adapt. Our Prince George. Our “Archie.” Our — apparently — “P.G.” This is the world we are living in and, in fact, it is the world we have been living in for who knows how long. We have to adapt. We must … for P.G.