Who is this man? The one pictured right there. The harder I try to figure it out, the further away I get. It’s like trying to grip water in your hand or remember a dream. He is everyone and no one at once.
Apparently, he was onstage at the first Democratic debate last night, but I can’t remember seeing him. In recent years, I seem to have developed face blindness for thin-lipped, entitled white men, a condition which has made certain fields — like politics, podcasting, and home brewing — nearly impossible to navigate. Also, I couldn’t see anything over Bill de Blasio shouting.
Is this man:
• Someone named Kyle?
• Bryan?
• This shirt?
• A fraternity-chapter adviser?
• A Pulp Fiction poster (taped, not framed)?
• 2020 Democratic presidential candidate Tim Ryan?
• 2020 Democratic presidential candidate Eric Swalwell?
• 2020 Democratic presidential candidate Steve Bullock?
• 2020 Democratic presidential candidate Seth Moulton?
• A clunky guitar rendition of Dave Matthews’s “Ants Marching” played in a college-dorm common room?
• My aunt’s new husband Todd?
• A middle-school gym teacher telling kids not to laugh while he plays the VHS about human reproduction in health class?
• A youth pastor sitting backwards on a chair to tell kids about his “homie” Jesus Christ?
• A guy wearing Oakleys and vigorously chewing gum while gassing up his Honda CRV?
• A guy playing Mario Kart in his new, unfurnished condo following his recent divorce?
• The phrase, “Don’t get me wrong, the whole #MeToo thing was great, but …”
• A well-worn DVD of The Hangover?
• A pair of Gap khakis?
• A pair of “Kiss Me, I’m Irish” boxers?
• A Saturday afternoon with the boys?
• All the above?
Please let me know.