Look, Thanksgiving is tomorrow, and preparing a big meaty fowl is stressful. But here’s a helpful hint about cooking a turkey: This bird roasts itself.
Watch for the point in the process when the turkey, its oily skin crackling and browned under the heat, is clearly undergoing full and total turkey breakdown. It’s at this point that the turkey may take on an unusual appearance — glistening and taut — as it drags itself over the open flame to be continuously roasted, over and over again.
You might want to ask, Why, Turkey? Why would you do this? This is a stunningly bizarre thing to think is normal, even for you. But don’t try to understand why the turkey has done this. There is no reasoning with the turkey once it has been basting in its own dark juices for this long.