The year is 2020, and CBD leggings are a thing you can buy. Academy Award-winning actor Gwyneth Paltrow sits at the helm of a health-lifestyle company widely known for promoting vaginal eggs, a raw goat’s milk cleanse, and now, its very own Netflix series. The “Global Wellness Economy” is reportedly worth trillions of dollars. So, it was only a matter of time before the world’s busiest career woman — whom you might know as Barbara Millicent Roberts, or Barbie — got in on that action.
Meet Wellness Barbie. She “introduce[s] girls to the benefits of self-care through play,” according to Cosmopolitan. Through play, and I guess, through the purchase of a variety of wellness-inducing items. There are a few different versions of Barbie self-care to choose from. There’s the bath set, complete with tub and “glittery fizz packs.” For children who are into sleep hygiene, there’s the Relaxation set, which comes with a large pillow; pajamas; and a…laptop and smart-phone, two known enemies of good sleep! Then there’s a Breathe with Me Barbie, a Fitness Barbie, and a Spa Barbie, each of them with their own set of accessories — bath bombs! face masks! yoga pants! — all intended to “help Barbie® doll recharge.”
As the Cut’s Katie Heaney wondered, “What has Barbie been doing all this time, if not self-care?” Well! In her nearly 61 years of existence, Barbie has held a dizzying number of jobs, including but not limited to:
• Executive ‘Career Girl’
• Astronaut
• UNICEF Ambassador
• Rapper
• Paleontologist
• Presidential Candidate
• Arctic Rescuer
• American Idol winner
• Doctor
So, you see, very busy! Very in need of a relaxing bath. And probably, considering all the lucrative-seeming careers she’s had, she can even afford the battery of wellness products self-care apparently involves.