This week, London’s Natural History Museum revealed the winner of its wildlife photography award — this picture of Michael Bloomberg and Donald Trump fighting.
Ha ha, just kidding. The picture, called “Station Squabble,” was taken by Sam Rowley, a 25-year-old researcher at the BBC, and is of two little mice fighting over some crumbs on a London Underground platform. And actually, while they may be small, the mice appear to be fighting with strength and dignity, and do not deserve the unfair comparison I made in the joke at the beginning of this post. For that, I apologize.
After all, unlike President Trump, neither of the mice tweeted today that the other is “is a 5’4” mass of dead energy who does not want to be on the debate stage with these professional politicians.” Calling someone a “mass of dead energy” is a really good insult, but, I think we can agree, not something the president should tweet about a political rival. Also, according to Google, Bloomberg is five-foot-eight.
Plus, if one of the mice had tweeted this, I doubt the other would reply that they know “many of the same people in NY” and that “Behind your back they laugh at you & call you a carnival barking clown,” as former Republican New York City mayor and current Democratic presidential candidate Michael Bloomberg did to President Trump.
The mice, I think, would understand that the term “carnival barking clown” doesn’t make sense, since carnival barkers and clowns are two different things. Unless Bloomberg is implying that the president is such a bad clown that he can’t even get a carnival barker to hype him up, so he has to do his own barking, in which case that would be a pretty sick burn. Even so, the mice would still probably understand that, if either of them were Bloomberg, they probably shouldn’t be boasting about they know the same people in New York as Donald Trump, because a lot of those people are terrible.
Also, I doubt either of them would respond to being called “Mini Mike” by telling a crowd, “Donald, where I come from, we measure height from the neck up.” What does that even mean? the little mice would have asked themselves first. That you only refer to people by the height of their heads? That makes no sense. Let’s just say normal stuff instead.
Anyway, I’m sorry again for comparing these two cute, brave mice to Michael Bloomberg and Donald Trump. I hope they find all the subway crumbs they could ever want.