With every passing day, I am growing increasingly reluctant to eventually sit down and watch House of Gucci — Ridley Scott’s murder-y Maurizio Gucci biopic, currently filming in Italy — in its entirety. Nothing against the movie, which checks many of my boxes for worthwhile entertainment: Per Harper’s Bazaar, we can expect “infidelity, extraordinary wealth, vengeance, designer footwear and a certified psychic-turned-accomplice,” and that’s before you factor in the wigs. Obviously, that all sounds great, but even greater is my will to preserve from any kind of context each of the pristine images House of Gucci has given us. Every one has been a gift, and this latest photo — of Jared Leto looking like a funky Dr. Phil — is no exception.
I do not require any more information from this picture. It tells me everything I need to know: A middle-aged Jordan Catalano is getting into his SUV, bald but for the horseshoe of hair cascading from the back of his skull to tickle his neck, dressed in a mauve corduroy suit with a flashy scallop detail at the seam. Somehow he is also wearing the furrowed brow of a famous talk-show doctor. I am happy to accept this reality. I have no further questions at this time.
Indeed, the knowledge that Leto plays Paolo Gucci, a supporting if chaotic figure in this taut family drama — “a maverick Italian businessman” unceremoniously “sacked” from the fashion empire, per one obituary — tempers my enjoyment of the scene. I would rather believe Leto is taking his look in a new direction because of boredom, just as I would rather believe that Lady Gaga crammed that enormous pastry into the mouth of her large son, Adam Driver, because he was fussy due to hunger, and that this big cozy boy chose his big cozy sweater because comfort is king. Of course, this is just one woman’s opinion, but I think I speak for everyone when I say — bellissimo! Simply bellissimo.