Earlier this month, a team of scientists at the annual Institute of Electrical and Electronics Engineers (IEEE) Aerospace Conference proposed sending a bunch of sperm to the moon. An interesting proposal to which I say: “Leave her alone!!!!!!”
This seminal deposit is not an explicit attempt to humiliate or debase the moon. Rather, as Insider reports, the scientists from the University of Arizona are thinking of it as a “modern global insurance policy.” By sending an “ark” with the the sperm and ova samples of 6.7 million species, and then storing the samples in a secure vault beneath the moon’s surface, scientists believe they could save mankind and other species from extinction. The concept is similar to that of the “Doomsday” seed vault in Svalbard, Norway, except it would ensure the continued existence of, like, people and tigers instead of plants.
This is what the proposed junk-storage facility would look like:
Building this lab would be no small feat. The study’s author, Jekan Thangavelautham, estimated that constructing it and filling it with samples would require 250 flights to the moon. As Insider notes, building the International Space Station only required 40 flights into space.
Have we not subjected the moon — the beautiful, powerful, tranquil moon — to enough though? Already, she has been despoiled by the feces of the Apollo astronauts, been hexed by baby witches, and been used like a cheap dating prop. It’s no wonder she keeps inching away from us.
You can watch the team’s full proposal here. In the meantime, I leave you today with the timeless words of Demi Lovato: “GET A JOB. STAY AWAY FROM HER.”