Well, here we are, folks — offering adults prizes to encourage them to please, for the love of Hot Vaxx Summer, get the COVID-19 vaccine. Most recently, Washington state introduced “Joints for Jabs,” a program in which adults over 21 who get at least one dose of the vaccine can receive a free pre-rolled joint at designated cannabis dispensaries. If you won’t get vaccinated for the wellbeing of yourself or your fellow Americans, maybe you would do it for some weed?
Just under half of Americans still have not gotten the COVID-19 vaccine, per NPR. The U.S. currently has a surplus of vaccines, so low vaccination rates have little to do with availability. There are, of course, legitimate reasons that people are not or cannot get vaccinated, like preexisting medical conditions and inaccessibility to testing sites. There are also plenty of very questionable reasons, many of which are rooted in conspiracy theories, like the false claim the vaccine causes infertility.
Thus, local governments seem to be in a bit of a panic, thinking, like, I don’t know? Maybe give them money?? In nearly every state where it’s legal, there are potential monetary incentives for getting vaccinated, ranging from a hundred bucks to $1 million. Even states that previously poo-pooed prizes — like Michigan, where the initial strategy appeared to be, quite reasonably, “get vaccinated, so we can go back to normal” — are now looking into vaccine incentives. Each new day in America looks more and more like a dystopian game show.
For your consideration/horror, here is a selection of some of the free goodies and prizes that states and businesses across the country have offered to people to encourage them to get the COVID vaccine:
- Uber and Lyft rides
- Krispy Kreme Donuts
- Shake Shack Burgers
- Beer and even more beer
- Groceries for a year
- A Target gift card
- Free lamination of your vaccination card (arguably one of the most useful prizes)
- Concert tickets
- MLB tickets
- Super Bowl Tickets
- One lap around the Talladega Superspeedway
- Tickets to Six Flags
- Cheesecake
- Hot dogs
- Whatever this “dessert-on-a-stick” is from White Castle
- Girl Scout cookies
- Hunting licenses and fishing licenses
- State-park permits
- Zoo passes
- A gift card to L.L. Bean
- 100 free target rounds a shooting complex
- A pound of crawfish
- Even more weed
- A custom-fitted truck
- A gun
Would you, could you, for a gun? A literal gun?! I need to lie down. But while we’re handing out free stuff, here are some things I would actually like to receive as a special, little treat for being fully vaccinated:
- An early listen to Lorde’s new single
- The chance to eavesdrop on a conversation between Taiki Waititi and Rita Ora
- Ben Affleck’s discarded Ana de Armas cutout
- Free health care
- A written doctor’s note exempting me from any three (3) social gatherings this summer
- This big, floppy baby hat
- A respite from this hellscape in which people need to be bribed with rifles in order to get vaccinated against a disease that has killed nearly 600,000 Americans