I am something of a late bloomer when it comes to weed. You can tell by the way I wasn’t sure whether to call it “weed” or “pot” or “marijuana” or “cannabis” or “jazz cabbage” or “nothing, Mom, these are just gummy vitamins.” The first time I went into a dispensary, I felt like someone who had never seen a computer walking into an Apple store and saying, “I’m just trying to get on the internet.”
If you, too, are something of a novice when it comes to this High Holiday, allow me, a fellow novice, to be your nonexpert guide. Here are some realistic ways to celebrate 4/20 when you probably aren’t even young or cool enough to be partaking.
First, gather thine weed.
I know this seems like an obvious step, but you know what happens when you assume? You somehow end up having to explain what an edible is to your doctor when all you wanted was an anti-biotic for your UTI. (That is based on a true story.) Anyway, you may get high now.
Watch your stoner movie or show of choice.
The best movies and TV shows to watch stoned are all of them. Planet Earth is a classic choice. Season two of Russian Doll was just released on Netflix. Adult Swim’s Off the Air shorts are a personal favorite. Here’s one called “Liquid” that starts with a GoPro on a dog. I’d say you could go with something more thematic like Pineapple Express. However, you’re definitely going to look up when it came out, and that will send you into a spiral when you realize the movie is as old as some current high-schoolers. Instead, watch any season of Love Island U.K. and imagine that one person is actually an actor doing an excellent job at playing a Love Island contestant.
You know what would be so great right now? Some music.
To find your weed album, you first need to figure out what a weed album even is. I am still not completely sure. If that sounds like too much work, try listening to the Jurassic Park theme slowed down 1000 percent. The first time I listened to that, it almost made me cry, and I was completely sober. Or turn on some worship music (anything by Rihanna).
Snacks!!!
There is no wrong way to munchie. If you didn’t make a grocery run beforehand, play an at-home version of Chopped, where you go through your pantry and try to concoct something delicious. I have discovered many perfectly edible snacks using this method, like graham crackers with frosting or mac ’n’ cheese topped with peanuts.
Remember Mario Kart?
What better day than 4/20 to cosplay as someone who enjoys video games! If the idea of turning on a game console hurts your feelings, here are some other games that require little set up:
Wavelength: This is a guessing game that’s available as free app. Basically, you’re shown two ends of a spectrum — hot and cold, pretty and ugly, overrated and underrated, etc. — and a “bullseye” within that spectrum. Your goal is to give your teammate(s) a clue that will get them to guess where the bullseye is. I’m making it sound way more complicated than it is. I promise it’s fun and takes less than five minutes to learn.
Guess the AI Celebrity: Put the name of any celebrity into this AI art generator and see if your friends can figure out who it is.
Name a 30-year-old: This is where you try to name any celebrity who is exactly 30 years old. Harder than you think!
Have fun and be yourself.
Does taking a walk sound fun? Do that! Would you like to have half an edible and go to sleep at 10:30 p.m.? Perfect! Remember, the real 4/20 is the friends you make along the way.