What do you see when you gaze upon this foursome? A TikTok-famous Christian-rock boy band? A gaggle of Jesus-core influencers? A new campaign for Harry Styles’s nail polish?
Believe it or not, one of these men is Shawn Mendes. I do not know who the others are, but they are presumably his friends, given that two of them are clutching identical beige smoothies and the other shares their uniform mustache shape. One astute Twitter user called them his “smoothie squad,” which I hope is the name of their group text. According to Just Jared, they are indeed out on a beverage run, having made a pit stop at clean-beauty chain Detox Market.
While that explanation for this image makes sense grammatically, it does not help me sort through the flood of conflicting emotions I feel while staring at it. I am floored by the sheer Erewhon-ness of it all. Confused by the questionable apparel choices being made. Unsettled by the amount of bare chest exposure, and simultaneously struck with the urge to join this troupe of clean-eating obsessives by any means necessary.
Before you ask, yes, one of them is barefoot. He is taunting my very sanity while taking a sip of his mysterious brown drink, his drawstring linen pants clinging for dear life to his hip bones. Under his arm, for no apparent reason, is tucked an ancient-looking tome that is either the Bible or a fake-antique notebook from Barnes & Noble. Another guy looks like an extra from Daisy Jones & the Six. Mendes is arguably the most normie looking, though his platform hemp slippers indicate that is a low bar.
How do these four know each other? Did they all take the same mustache pact? What paraben-free goodies are they toting around in those brown bags? What do you think are their plans for the day, beyond stalking the streets of West Hollywood like four wiry horsemen of the apocalypse? Wherever they’re going, I want in. We can all sit in the park, me and Shawn Mendes’s smoothie boys, sloshing liquidated fruit around our mouths while potentially contracting tetanus. Maybe we can do some more ethical shopping. I have some great shoe recs.