Jason Kelce is reportedly retiring from the NFL after 13 seasons. This is a great sadness to the people of Philadelphia, Swifties who have recently become football fans, and those of us who are brave enough to admit that Jason is the hotter Kelce. There are lots of questions for Jason in this moment, but probably the most important one is this: What happens to the pod?
New Heights, the podcast hosted by the Kelce brothers, is more popular than ever thanks to Travis’s recent explosion in notoriety. It’s become the top destination for people who think they can glean gossip out of Travis doing an ad read for Etsy. It’s also the most access anyone has ever had to one of Taylor Swift’s boyfriends, let alone his entire family. The only problem is that the podcast is mostly about the two brothers’ own experiences in the league. If only one brother is in the league, what’s the podcast going to be about? Well, I have some ideas.
The NFL, broadly
Snooze, I know. But the most likely scenario I see is that New Heights becomes a podcast that is mostly about what’s going on in the NFL. That wouldn’t be too much of a change from what the show already is. Now that Jason will be a spectator only, he’ll take on a kind of color commentator role while Travis gives the scoop about what was happening on the field. They’ll continue to answer people’s questions about the sport, and everything will basically stay the same. Unfortunately for us dreamers, this is probably what’s going to happen. That doesn’t mean we can’t keep pitching.
Kylie Kelce gets a permanent third chair
The funniest and most charming Kelce is Jason’s wife, Kylie. Let her be on the podcast full-time. Maybe the podcast turns into a show about parenting their three kids or what to do when your husband is suddenly in your house all the time. There are other football podcasts people can listen to; this one is about Kylie now. As a matter of fact, if they just wanted to give Kylie her own show, I would tune in.
Full 180-degree pivot
Perhaps it will be too much for Jason to talk about football every week while his brother is still playing. If that is the case, might I recommend becoming a recap podcast? People seem to love that. Try to tell me you wouldn’t tune in every week to the Kelce brothers trying to figure out what was going on on Lost. They’d basically be printing money.
Break glass in case of emergency
If the pod starts flopping, there is one surefire way to get people back onboard. You know it, I know it, let’s say it at the same time: Have Taylor Swift on. This should only be done in the most desperate of situations, but it’s hard to deny that it would be the biggest deal in podcasting since Barack Obama went on WTF.