In this week’s story, a divorced art consultant goes out of her comfort zone to date a celebrity Realtor and a much younger woman who “loves MILFs”: 45, single, Brooklyn.
DAY ONE
8 a.m. This is the hardest part of the day for me: Getting my kids ready for school, packing up their lunch bags, dealing with my 3-year-old’s tantrums and my daughter’s refusal to wear gloves. I’m literally panting and sweating.
8:05 a.m. My ex-husband knocks on the door. We’ve been divorced for two years — he does the pickup and drop-off every morning. Leaving him was a simple decision: It turns out he was cheating on me with a colleague (he’s a doctor; she’s a doctor). I was totally blind to it until I brought the kids to visit him at work one day, as a surprise, and he was in his office fooling around with this other woman. I feel sick talking about it. It was so cliché and gross.
10 a.m. Cleaning my small two-bedroom apartment. It’s a shitshow from the kids. I make a second pot of coffee and log onto my computer. I’m an art consultant for private clients. My days are made up of visiting homes and galleries, with a bit of travel to look at art and meet artists. But most of my income comes from my few super-wealthy clients — working with them even once a year keeps me stable. It’s kind of a bullshit job, I know.
3 p.m. I have an hour until my kids come home, so I log on to the apps. I recently joined Feeld because I’m curious about testing my sexual limits and appetites. I’ve always identified as straight and I’m pretty conservative in bed, but lately I’ve been wanting to try new things. The thing is, almost everyone dating right now is so open that it’s actually kind of a turnoff for me. I don’t want to hear about your ideas about gender, sexuality, and monogamy. It feels like homework!
7 p.m. Second hard part of my day: bedtime.
9 p.m. Two hours later. Kids are finally asleep. I get into bed with a new vibrator my friend gave me for my 45th birthday last week. I lay back, close my eyes, and try to come up with a good scenario. I imagine a gang bang. It’s rough and nasty. I have such a big orgasm that I’m worried I’ll wake the kids. I better stick it out on Feeld. Obviously, my body wants a sexual adventure.
DAY TWO
8 a.m. Morning handoff to my ex. I can still barely look at him, but in spite of everything, he’s not a bad father and is still very involved with the kids. Ultimately, I think they feel loved by both of us and are doing okay, which is really all that matters.
9 a.m. I have a blind date tonight, so I check out my closet to see if I need to go shopping. A mom friend is setting me up with her newly divorced brother, Aaron. We’re meeting at a very high-end hotel bar in the city, so I think I should dress up. I consider trekking to Nordstrom Rack, but it’s so cold out!
Noon I decide it’s too cold to shop. Instead, I stay home and do a deep dive on Aaron. He looks really cute online. There’s just one problem — his job. He’s one of those celebrity Realtors. He’s been on TV. There’s something very cheesy about that to me.
4 p.m. I run to a Pilates class. It’s me and six old ladies. Cute.
5 p.m. Kids are with my ex tonight. I open a bottle of wine and get dressed. I try on different little black dresses. Then I put on a pair of crotchless tights. Ya never know!
7 p.m. I’m at the fancy hotel bar. Aaron arrives. Jesus, his cologne is strong. And his teeth are blindingly white. He’s fully embodying every Realtor stereotype!
8 p.m. After two martinis and an hour of real-estate talk, I tell him I have to get home to my kids because “I lose my child care at 8:30 p.m.” Big lie. We hug good-bye. Yuck. He was cringe.
10 p.m. I get into bed and reopen the apps. I’d fuck anyone but Aaron right now. I make some plans with men — and women! — and put the phone down for bed. Ugh, I already know I’m going to feel like shit in the morning.
DAY THREE
9 a.m. Very thankful that I have a quiet home with no kids because I feel like throwing up and want to stay in bed.
11:30 a.m. Just in time, I remember that I have to be at my daughter’s school in about ten minutes for a parent event. I throw on a sweatsuit and some Uggs and run there. I haven’t even brushed my teeth. Good thing I have gum in my coat pocket.
1 p.m. At the school event. I run into Aaron’s sister. Shit. She tells me he had “the best time.” Really?? I say he was attractive, but I felt like we had more “friend energy.” She looks pissed. Did I insult her? I’m getting weird vibes from her, so I lie and say I have work. I run back home.
3 p.m. Hiding in bed watching Below Deck.
4 p.m. Leave the house to pick my kids up. Get a coffee on the way. This day needs to end.
8 p.m. Kids are in bed, so I open up the apps. A woman named Mallory wants to take me out tomorrow night. She’s British, an actress, and very young. I’ve never dated a woman — I’m curious to see how it feels just to have a romantic drink with one.
9 p.m. Mallory and I text a little. At one point, she says, “MILFS are my thing.” Kinda funny. She then sends me a selfie from a gallery opening. I know the gallery — it’s pretty cool and elite. I take it as a good sign. Maybe I can actually connect with this woman. I guess we’ll find out tomorrow?
DAY FOUR
8 a.m. Hand off the kids to my ex. He tries to make small talk today and I blow him off. I honestly don’t know if he’s still with the other woman. My kids have never mentioned a woman at his place, and I don’t want to ask. Ugh, what a dickhead.
9 a.m. I have to visit a client’s new apartment today, so I start to get ready. This client is entertaining — super-rich but ultramiserable. He’s always on some extreme diet. Always in a legal battle. Always has a new European girlfriend.
11 a.m. I’m at his huge townhouse in Cobble Hill. He has hideous taste in art, but he’s very generous. Whenever I invoice him, he pays right away and adds a few thousand dollars on top of it — “for your time and care!” Today is the usual weirdness. He’s fired up about microplastics and the upcoming election. At least he’s never boring.
4 p.m. Pick up my kids while texting with Mallory about our plans. She suggests a bar in Brooklyn, but I know too many people who go there, so we decide on Tribeca, where I have no friends. Much better.
6:30 p.m. Sitter arrives and I jump on the subway. I’m nervous. My stomach is in knots. I’m scared Mallory will be sketchy in real life. I’m also scared because I don’t know how to flirt with a girl.
7 p.m. We walk into the restaurant at the exact same time. I’m so nervous my body is shaking. She is very sweet and warm, literally — she’s wrapped in a huge mink coat! She hugs me hello and holds me inside her coat for a minute. It feels nice.
7:30 p.m. We’re sitting at the bar drinking wine. She’s affectionate and keeps touching my hand and thigh. She has a ton of Botox and filler; it’s not really my thing, but I guess it’s sexy in that Kardashian kind of way?
8:30 p.m. At one point I ask, “Why are you here with me? It seems like you could be out with anyone?” She laughs and reminds me she’s into MILFs, which kind of annoys me. I’m not such a MILF. I’m only 45. Enough with the MILF talk. I’ve also sort of lost the plot here. Is this all for a night of sex? Is she looking for a girlfriend?
9 p.m. I tell her that I need to get home to the kids. She’s headed to a party for some buzzy new artist. As we wait for our Ubers, she says, “Come here” and gives me a deep kiss. It’s an unbelievable moment. Like it’s crazy-sexy. Then the cars come and we say good-bye.
11 p.m. We are sexting. I’m sketched out and horny at the same time. I’ve sexted before, but this is another level — it’s all about licking pussy and stuff like that. I feel like I’m dreaming … weirdest night ever.
DAY FIVE
7:30 a.m. I’ve never been so happy to be a boring mom with kids. It’s just comforting being home with my little ones after yesterday’s date.
10 a.m. Spend most of the morning doing a deep dive on Mallory. I figure out who her parents are and why she’s so wealthy; she’s just kind of a rich party girl? I dredge up a ton of pictures of her with other party girls and celebs. I’m less sketched out, but it all feels out of my comfort zone.
1 p.m. Take a minute to reflect on what I’m looking for in a partner. Someone stable and sexy who I can share my life with. I don’t care if it’s a man or a woman, but I’m pretty sure it’s not going to be Mallory.
5 p.m. Mallory texts. She just woke up! What the fuck?! I’m literally cooking dinner for my kids. No. I can’t. I just can’t.
8 p.m. It’s Friday night, so the kids and I stay up late watching a family movie. I’ve never been so happy to be a boring mom with kids in our matching pajamas.
DAY SIX
9 a.m. The kids and I are going upstate this weekend to visit friends. I don’t have my own car, so my ex is loaning me his. He drops it off and hands over the keys along with snacks for the kids. They adore their dad. I adore his SUV. So it all works out … I guess.
Noon Mallory calls while I’m driving. My kids are asleep in the back of the car so I pick up. She’s like, “Hey, sexy mama. Doing your MILF thing?” I literally want to scream. Stop with the MILF thing! Also, go away! I tell her I can’t talk while driving and hang up.
3 p.m. Beautiful nature walk with our friends. It’s so nice up here! While the kids frolic, I catch my friends up on my dating life. Between Aaron and Mallory, we all agree I’m doing something wrong.
8 p.m. My kids and I are snuggled up in one cozy king-size bed. I love it here.
DAY SEVEN
9 a.m. Mallory texts me and I ignore it. I don’t want to hear from her anymore.
10 a.m. Loading up the car to go skiing.
11 a.m. On the way to skiing and my youngest throws up in the car. He always gets carsick, but the vomit is all inside his snowsuit and it’s a very bad situation. We end up turning around and getting dropped back home while everyone else goes skiing. I didn’t really want to go, and I’m happy to have quality time with my little guy.
Noon After getting him cleaned up, we bake cookies and have a dance party. I treasure these moments together.
3 p.m. Mallory hasn’t texted anymore — I think she got the hint. Glad that’s over and done with. I don’t know if I’ll be doing anymore Feeld …
6 p.m. Everyone returns home and I have dinner waiting for them. It’s a happy, festive night. I barely look at my phone. The dating world feels fraught, and this right here feels heartwarming and safe.
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