Very wealthy people have one thing in common with the rest of us: They find dating difficult. But unlike most people, they can afford to pay six-figure amounts (or higher) to ultra-high-end matchmakers who scour the planet for the right person who meets their super-specific criteria. If this sounds creepy, you’re right — it can be. “We do get clients who seem to think they can just pay a lot of money and we’ll wave a magic wand and make the right woman appear,” says one matchmaker. “But relationships are a two-way street. That woman still has to love them back.”
There are hundreds of matchmakers in the business, but the elite ones might charge upwards of a million dollars per client. Here, we spoke to three ultraluxury matchmakers about their work, their clients, and what it’s like to charge a $500,000 “marriage bonus.”
“A CEO can’t have their name out there and their picture flying around. Their employees might be on the same dating site, and that’s embarrassing.”
—Simona Fusco, founder of Perfect 12 Matchmaking
In my 20s, I was an actress. I did about 30 movies and TV shows, and I was in GQ and Esquire and other magazines. And it was really difficult for me to date because of the business I was in. I couldn’t do online dating because I was bombarded with solicitations. Or people thought it was a fake profile. Putting myself out there was scary and overwhelming. Then I was approached by a matchmaker who offered to set me up with her paying clients. The men were vetted and based on my criteria. And it was amazing. I felt safe because the men had been checked out, and they were who they said they were. It was the perfect way to meet people and also save time and protect my reputation.
So it worked. I met the father of my daughter through a matchmaking service. I also had a couple of other long-term relationships through matchmakers, but then I noticed that they didn’t always do their due diligence. Sometimes they were a little sloppy with the background checks. I’m a beautiful woman, and sometimes they would just throw matches at me and hope they would stick without considering my needs or my lifestyle. When matches are based on Oh, he’s wealthy and she’s beautiful, that’s very superficial. I knew there had to be a better way.
I started my own company because I understand, from personal experience, the issues that high-profile and high-net-worth individuals face. They’re time constricted. They can’t be on a dating app because they’ll be solicited by people who want to get their rent paid. A CEO can’t have their name out there and their picture flying around. Their employees might be on the same dating site, and that’s embarrassing. Anytime you’ve achieved something in life, you have to be careful, because you have a lot to lose.
We have some women who are paying clients, but most are men. Traditionally, it was only men who were paying to be set up with women who the matchmaker had chosen for them, and the women weren’t paying. But now, more and more women are stepping up and becoming more proactive about pursuing what they want in their love life.
I have clients all over the world. We only take on a certain number of paying clients per year, usually no more than 100 active clients at a time. I work with both men and women as paying clients, and our fees start at $60,000 annually. That’s just for a local membership. And then it can go up to $250,000 annually, depending on the location and the depth of the search. We recruit potential matches locally, nationally, and worldwide. It really depends on how specific the client wants to get. Some of our clients keep us on as a coach or lifestyle concierge even after they’ve gotten married. They might have an argument that they need help with. Or they’re going on a romantic trip: Where should they go? Which hotel? What restaurant in Positano? We also offer real-estate services. I’m a licensed real-estate broker, and a lot of the time when my clients get engaged, they’ll look for a love nest together. So we help them with that as well.
We also offer date coaching, which a lot of successful people think they don’t need. They think, I’m this super-powerful entertainment lawyer or celebrity or executive. I don’t need any help. But then we get feedback after their dates, and everybody can benefit from fine-tuning. Like, “Oh God, this person talked too much about their work or too much about themselves, or they were complaining about their ex.” Then I’ll remind that person, “Hey, when you sit down with your date, take your time, listen to the person, ask questions.”
Some people can be very unrealistic in their expectations, and we help guide them. I had a client who moved to L.A. from London — a very successful, extremely handsome gentleman — and he was very specific. He showed me a picture of his ex, and she was blonde, tall, beautiful, with gorgeous blue eyes. She was five-eleven, and he wanted someone who looked exactly the same. So we sent him profiles of ladies who matched that criteria. But then, he ended up marrying a brunette who was very petite. They now have two children. She’s the opposite of what he initially insisted he couldn’t deviate from. So people can get stuck on a checklist, and sometimes it’s pages long. And it’s my job to use it as a guideline, but also try to get them to be more open-minded.
Still, there are things that you can’t compromise on. Values, morals, certain lifestyles, your personality. Someone might be vegan and wants to be with another vegan. Or they might want someone who can travel at a moment’s notice. Maybe they’re an empty nester and they don’t want to be with someone who’s chained to a nine-to-five; they’re at a point in life where they want to be able to see the world. Lately, I’ve had a lot of people say, “I won’t date a person who doesn’t vote the same way as me, or who thinks this way politically.” That’s been a huge thing.
A big problem is that men tend to get too caught up in beauty and they end up compromising on other things. Like, “Oh, she’s so beautiful, so it’s okay that she doesn’t have the personality or the lifestyle that works with mine. Maybe I can change her or mold her.” But in the long term, it just doesn’t work.
I always tell people that they need to be able to meet their own requirements. How can you expect someone to have qualities that you don’t expect for yourself? Also, we all have shortcomings, and we all have to compensate for them. If you’re not the wealthiest or most accomplished person in the world, then I hope you have a great personality. Maybe he’s five-six, but he makes you laugh so hard your stomach hurts. It depends on what you bring to the table in life.
“One person we nipped in the bud told us, ‘Oh, I only date men who have private jets.’”—Janis and Carly Spindel of Janis and Carly Spindel Serious Matchmaking, based in New York
Janis: We deal with men who are very successful and good at what they do, and they understand that they have to outsource certain things to other people who are very good at what they do. That’s where we come in. Our clients come to us to find them love. All of the couples that we’ve put together, all over the world, they never, ever, ever would’ve met each other if it weren’t for us. And then when they have babies, I get the chills. It’s beyond.
The men are the clients, and women are members. It is the men who retain us for matchmaking. We’re headquartered in New York, but we’re global. When a client retains us, we offer different programs ranging from basic, which starts at $75,000 up front, to global VIP, which could range from $1 million to $1.5 million. It really depends on where the client is located and what he wants. Do we have to do a global search for his match? We work with their budget if they have one. A lot of the men we deal with, they don’t know what the word budget means. We love those guys because then they’re giving us carte blanche to do whatever it takes to find the woman of their dreams. And we don’t stop until we find her. We will leave no stone unturned. Some men will even give us names. It could be a celebrity crush that they have. And if we find out she’s single, there’s a possibility we can set it up.
Carly: Our women members pay a onetime fee to be in our database, usually about $25. The application is fairly in-depth. Then they have to set up a way to meet us in real life. They have to have a vested interest in putting themselves out there. They have to show that they’re willing to make an effort. And they are carefully vetted on our part, too. We have 50 scouts who work for us all over the country, helping to recruit women.
Janis: We also go out on simulated dates with the men. Part of the test is the restaurant he picks, how much effort he puts into it, how he treats us, how he treats the waiter, his manners. Does he make eye contact? Does he order for us? Does he send us home in an Uber? Does he pick us up? Does his driver pick us up? How he behaves with us is how he’s going to behave with another woman. It helps us weed out men we don’t want to work with. We only take clients who are gentlemen, who are kind, who aren’t rude to the waiter. After the simulated date, we do home visits. Most of our clients have multiple homes, so we’ll pick what they consider the top two or three. And we spend time with them there.
Carly: If we don’t like someone, then we don’t work with them. If either of us get a bad feeling, we just kindly say that they’re not a fit for our service. For example, we recently met a potential client in person, and we liked him. We did a follow-up Zoom. And then we did another follow-up Zoom and we realized that he was too particular. We could tell that he was looking for a woman who doesn’t exist. It kind of sounded like he was looking for a robot. Another man we decided not to work with was a client in his late 50s. He wanted a woman with two to three advanced degrees, which is wonderful. She also had to be multilingual. But we were like, “What if she only has one advanced degree?” We put together some broad profiles for him, and he was like, “No, I’m not interested in someone in this profession or that profession.” And we said, forget it. This isn’t going to work.
When we match people, we are putting our reputation on the line. So it’s important that we don’t deal with pompous assholes. We make sure that his work-life balance is there, and that his emotional intelligence is there too. If you’re working 150 hours a week, you might not be ready for a serious relationship. We also keep the age range appropriate. We’re not introducing a 55-year-old man to a 25-year-old woman. We try to keep the age gap within 10 to 12 years max.
Janis: We’re considered the Rolls-Royce of matchmaking. We’re not a dating service. And there’s a huge difference. We are helping our clients find a long-term partner. We don’t do arm candy, we don’t do trophy wives, we don’t do gold diggers. I’ve been doing this for over 30 years, and at this stage of the game, I think Carly and I could smell a gold digger miles away. And there are certain questions we can ask to weed them out. If they’re divorced, we’ll ask if they have alimony or child support, or if they got a settlement. If it’s unclear how they’re supporting themselves, I’ll come right out and say, “Where is the money coming from?”
Carly: We’ll ask, “What are your favorite places to eat?” If they talk about how they like fancy food and Michelin-starred restaurants, it’s a red flag. When we ask them how they like to celebrate their birthday and they say, “Oh, my last boyfriend bought me this and this and this, and took me here and took me there,” it’s a red flag. When they show us that they’re very materialistic, that’s a red flag. When we ask, “How do you spend a Saturday?” And they say, “Oh, I love to go shopping,” it’s a red flag. We look for answers that are down-to-earth.
Janis: What are they wearing on a Saturday when they’re going to the cleaners? Are they in Lululemons? Or are they in Louboutins? Can they roll out of bed on a Sunday morning and, if it’s a beautiful day, throw their hair in a ponytail and go for a hike? One person we nipped in the bud told us, “Oh, I only date men who have private jets.” Yeah, okay, good for you. I wish you the best of luck.
Carly: If a woman wants to work really hard and buy her own private jet, we love that. But no one should come to us seeking to change her lifestyle.
“I will call them out if they’re being unrealistic — if they’re a six, physically, and they’re fishing in a pond of nines and tens — because I don’t know if l can find them a long-term match.” —Amy Andersen, founder of Linx Dating, based in Silicon Valley
I started this business over 20 years ago. I was living in Palo Alto and in a serious relationship with a guy who was kind of a prototypical Silicon Valley nerd. All of his friends were single, and they would lament to me about the dating landscape. And I was like, why are these nice guys, who are well educated and super-successful, struggling to find like-minded women? I’m originally from San Francisco, and I knew a lot of accomplished women there, and I had this lightbulb moment. These two different demographics were 40 miles from each other, and they couldn’t manage to meet each other. So I started the matchmaking business in 2003, and it’s been one of the greatest decisions of my life.
My business is referral based, built on a trusted network of friends referring their friends. When I get a referral for a client, I do an in-person meet and greet, and I charge $5,000 for it. It’s a test to see if they’re serious about this and if they’re willing to lean into my methodology. If it goes well, there’s a long intake process where I ascertain the type of person they’re looking for. I gather a lot of data. At the end of the day, I have to take full stock of this prospect and determine if I can legitimately help them.
A lot of these very high-profile individuals, everybody in their life bows down to them. They are not used to hearing “no.” A big thing I look for is their body language when I push back on something. I will call them out if they’re being unrealistic — if they’re a six, physically, and they’re fishing in a pond of nines and tens — because I don’t know if l can find them a long-term match. Maybe in the short term that could be fun, but I’m projecting 40, 50, 60 years down the road. I need to make sure that they’re willing to take feedback and work with me.
A VIP client membership starts at $150,000, and the next level is $250,000. The next level after that is $500,000. The contracts are customized according to the scope of the project, the number of matches, the complexity of the search, and the time horizon. Then there are bonuses. Those can run up to $1.5 million, including the base membership. These amounts are negotiated up front based on the goals of the clients. It’s not uncommon for someone to do a quarter of a million dollars as a bonus for exclusivity — when they say, “Freeze my membership, I’m exclusively focusing on this one person.” Then they might do another bonus of $500,000 or $750,000 when they get engaged or married.
I only take up to about ten clients at any given time. That’s what makes Linx unique. While I have a whole team helping with other aspects of the business, I’m the only person doing the matches. I personally shepherd the client and their prospective matches through the entire process. I’m doing the hand-holding, being their confidante and therapist at times. It’s a very laborious process, and that’s why I can’t work with a high volume, nor do I want to.
Our membership also includes a lot of concierge services. I have a team of wonderful experts that focuses on niche, specialized services like wardrobe consultations and photography sessions. Some of my divorced clients will have experts come to their home and do a rebalancing of energy — put away photos of the ex so that their space is inviting for a new partner. I also have some clients who have lost a spouse, so it’s hard for them to move on. In one recent case, a wardrobe stylist was at a client’s house and she was like, “Oh my God, there’s photos of his late spouse everywhere!” We gently encouraged him to put these wonderful memories in a safe and private place so he can honor them and her, and also create a home environment that feels comfortable for a new woman.
My team helps with screening different prospective matches in our pool of candidates. We get a lot of outreach from people looking to be matched with our VIPs, and a lot of them are doozies, definitely not going to work. But I’ve also had multiple clients get married to people from that pool. You don’t know where the right match is going to come from, and so I like to have multiple avenues for recruiting. LinkedIn has also proven to be quite effective. Our team will send a message that says, “We came across your info and, from what we can glean, you could be an interesting match for one of our clients. Are you single?” It’s an unexpected note to receive, but most people are flattered. Even if they’re not single, they might have a single sister or a single cousin or colleague. So it’s been great for us.
To keep track of all my clients and prospective matches, I use a proprietary database that I had built, and I’m the only person who has access to it. My team has never once seen it. Security is a big concern for my clients, and I’m able to reassure them that nobody sees their information but me. It’s part of the ethos of our brand. There’s about 25,000 people in the database, including men and women, who have been screened and vetted. Of course, not every one of those people is going to be single this very minute, because they might have met someone. But they’re still in our system, and we can reach out to them. One of my very high-profile clients was looking for a Stanford-educated woman within a certain age range, and he had very specific criteria. I ran a search in the database, and there was one person in all the 25,000 who met his requirements. I reached out to her, and thank God she was single, because she ended up being the one who my client is now engaged to. They’re getting married any day now.
I have a very detailed contract that clients sign, and there’s a lot of it that covers client confidentiality. But it is not uncommon in Silicon Valley to have clients require me to sign a very scary NDA. Basically, it’s like, “The information I’m going to send you is highly sensitive, and I’m a high-profile person, so don’t mess with me.”
There are three things I am constantly adjusting expectations around — age, attractiveness in terms of appearance, and education. A lot of these guys are looking for a very specific kind of physical look, often more athletic with muscle tone. Or they want an international background, and an age within biological baby-making years, and a Harvard degree. Education is a really big requirement for the lion’s share of my clients, because they’re highly educated too. The general theme is that they want somebody who’s made certain life choices that reflect similar values.
I always steer clear of that huge imbalance where the women are after the guy’s assets, and the men are after the women’s appearance and youth or whatever. There are a lot of agencies that focus on that, but that’s not our brand. I refer about 95 percent of my business to other companies.
My normal balance of male and female clients is about fifty-fifty. I work with a lot of extraordinarily successful women. Right now, I have a female client in her mid-30s who has worked in tech forever, went to a very top school, and has been in this boys’ club her entire life. She developed a thick skin to gain respect from difficult, very demanding types of men. She’s been successful in her career, and now she’s like, “I’m ready to find my guy, and I want a baby.” But her criteria was very specific. We took her on as a premium VIP client, and on her third match, she found the one. My colleague recruited him on LinkedIn. She was looking for a guy who worked in health care, of a certain age and education and appearance, and my colleague was able to isolate this very specific person for her and reached out. We’re thrilled.
It’s not uncommon for a VIP client to even pay for me to go to conferences to recruit prospective matches for them. I’ll go to the J.P. Morgan Healthcare conference or the RSAC conference just to walk around and meet people in a very target-rich environment. I’ll go to the breakout meetings and the cocktail parties and say, “Hey, are you single?” It’s a mixed bag, to be honest. I went to a cocktail party that was hosted by a law firm, and I walked up to some attorneys and introduced myself, and they were like, “What are you doing here?” I explained that I was trying to network and find a match for my client, and it was not very well received. But even when things are awkward, we have to move on and keep looking. We don’t know where the dream person is going to be, and we have to put ourselves in every environment that could lead to the right results.
Of course, like anything in life, there are no guarantees. It has happened that we couldn’t find a match for somebody. The most difficult situations are when people think they’re ready to find someone, but they’re not actually ready because they haven’t worked on themselves. They’re trying to throw money at a problem and hope that it solves everything, but it doesn’t, because relationships are more complicated than that. I try really hard to avoid those situations. But when a person slips through the system, there’s a refund. I’m like, “I can’t help you. Work with a therapist for a couple years, then come back to me.”
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