It’s time to don your best headband and fix your face in a way that reads, “I’m reeaaally thinking.” The Traitors is coming back. Host Alan Cumming announced the latest cast for Peacock’s reality-competition show today, and the cloaked geniuses over at the Traitors castle have gone above and beyond this time. The upcoming season strikes a great balance of Bravo reality stars, competition reality stars, celebrity-adjacent randos, and the now-requisite posh old British guy (this time, he’s a gay royal!).
The cast is as follows: Rob Mariano (a.k.a. Boston Rob from Survivor), Dorinda Medley (The Real Housewives of New York and the “Not well, bitch!” GIF), Chrishell Stause (Selling Sunset), Britney Haynes (Big Brother), Danielle Reyes (Big Brother), Bob the Drag Queen (RuPaul’s Drag Race), Wells Adams (Bachelor in Paradise/being Sarah Hyland’s husband), Gabby Windey (The Bachelorette), Dylan Efron (Zac Efron’s brother), Tony Vlachos (Survivor), Jeremy Collins (Survivor), Dolores Catania (The Real Housewives of New Jersey), Robyn Dixon (The Real Housewives of Potomac), Bob Harper (The Biggest Loser), Ciara Miller (Summer House), Lord Ivar Mountbatten (the first member of the royal family to have a same-sex marriage), Carolyn Wiger (Survivor), Sam Asghari (Britney Spears’s ex-husband), Tom Sandoval (Vanderpump Rules), and Nikki Garcia (pro wrestler). Whew!
If your group chat is anything like mine, it will become very Traitors-centric when the show airs. I recommend having a little fun with it — perhaps a bingo board? Obviously, you can put “The countdown clock on a mission is just for show, ten seconds means two minutes” as the free space. Here are some suggestions for the rest of the spots:
- Someone asks Sam Asghari about his relationship with Britney and he demurs in a way that makes it obvious he’s dying to talk about it.
- Dylan Efron brings up Zac unprompted.
- Chrishell Stause, Gabby Windey, and Bob the Drag Queen form a queer alliance; they don’t let Bob Harper join because his vibe is off.
- Tom Sandoval is picked as a Traitor.
- Tom Sandoval is not picked as a Traitor; everyone thinks he is anyway.
- Someone asks Lord Ivar Mountbatten about Kate Middleton’s health.
- Robyn Dixon becomes the Shereé Whitfield of the season, making it way further than you’d expect but only because she doesn’t know what’s going on.
- The men of Survivor do not mess with each other.
- Dorinda Medley gets killed first.
- Alan Cumming’s outfits somehow get even more kooky and amazing (a full suit of armor, perhaps).
And there are so many more possibilities! Will the cast be walking on eggshells around Bob the Drag Queen after the horrible way Peppermint was treated last season? Will the women of the show vote Sam Asghari out immediately in a pro-Britney moment of sisterhood? Which two cast members will have the surprisingly crackling chemistry of CT and Phaedra? Make your predictions now, folks. It’s going to be a great season of trash TV.