There are bad breakups — and then there are breakups so brutal they should be followed by hefty monetary compensation. Jillian Lavin — otherwise known by her stage name, Spritely — had the latter. Last week, the musician posted a video recounting the demise of her three-and-a-half-year relationship (her ex’s face is censored with an alien emoji, but we know from the photo slideshow that he is relatively tall and into pottery throwing). Everything in the relationship was “going amazing,” Lavin sings in the video, until he said he wanted to move back to Texas to be closer to his family. So she moved to Texas with him, giving up her career, quitting her improv troupe, and draining her savings to pay for the movers — a big change, but one that was “so worth it for the love of your life that wants a future with you / Because he said so,” she sings.
Just two months later, her ex handed her a short note saying he was breaking up with her because they were “incompatible” — after they had been together for years and she moved across the country with him. The clip went viral, racking up millions of views on Instagram, where many commenters shared their own horrific breakup stories.
Lavin is currently living in her mom’s house in Florida and still recuperating. We reached out to her to ask some questions we had after watching the video, such as: Were there any red flags at all in those three and a half years? Did her ex really want her to move with him to Texas? And would she ever take him back?
How are you doing?
Better than I was two months ago when we broke up but still pretty bad. Every day is a battle.
Take me back to the beginning. How did you two meet?
We met as eighth-grade pen pals. It’s a wild story. We had a mutual friend who moved from his town in Texas to my town in New York. And in this era, 2007 to 2008, we were all on AIM all the time and we became friends. We started talking every day. Eventually, we grew up and fell out of touch. Nearly ten years passed. We’re both 25, and I’m driving across the country and I was passing through Texas, so we met up and the rest is history. The first six months, we were long distance, but then he moved to L.A. to be with me.
What was the conversation like when he told you he was trying to move back to Texas?
Earlier this year, he told me he just wanted to go live on his family’s farm. He had moved to L.A. to be with me; I always knew that wasn’t where he wanted to be forever, and I never had any intention of staying in L.A. forever myself. But he wouldn’t compromise at all. He’s more of a Texas farm boy, and I am a musician who wants to be in a major city. Eventually, we compromised on being in a major city in Texas near his family’s farmland. That ushered in talks of what our future would look like together.
I actually asked at certain points, “Do you want to be with me?” And he’d be like, “No, I don’t want to break up. I want to be with you.” There was lots of communication, lots of assurances from him that he did want me to come, and then I came.
By the time we moved, I felt way more sure about our relationship than I ever had. We said words like I want a future with you, What’s our ten-year plan?, What’s our 20-year plan? I thought we were taking the next step, and in a year, he’s going to propose.
What did your family and friends say when you told them about the move?
They were happy for me. They were probably like, “Oh, I never imagined her there, but she’s with the love of her life so good for her.”
How much would you say you spent on the move?
I didn’t go broke, but I used a good chunk of my savings, both to pay for the moving costs and to pay my bills for the months I wasn’t working. I depend on my studio space to to do work, and I didn’t have one when I was traveling and moving in. I’d say I spent maybe $7,000.
Tell me about the note he gave you. What did he actually say in it?
It was just your typical “As special as you are, I just don’t see a future with you, and I’m sorry that I made you move here, but I hope in time, you can forgive me.” It was pretty disappointing that it was such a short fucking note.
What was going through your mind when he gave it to you? What did you think it was going to say?
As soon as he pulled it out of his pocket, I knew. Who just hands you a note and says, “I think this says everything”? He had all this time to have his doubts, and it sounds like he had them in the back of his mind but didn’t give in to them until that moment.
He told you he was breaking up with you because you were “incompatible” — do you think that’s the real reason?
People are speculating: Was there another woman? Did his family talk him out of it? No, knowing him, there is no other influence involved. It was purely a decision that he made, and I guess he was in denial about it for so long because he’s so out of touch with his emotions. He said that at the point we moved to Texas together, he had fallen out of love with me, and I think it’s his fault that he kept these concerns bottled up long enough for that to happen.
Why did you decide to post this video, a month or two months after this all happened?
I had been posting videos online for the past year, and I’d built a bit of a following from that. People knew I was taking time off to move, and I’d halted this cover series I’d been doing, where I do these genre swaps and show the hourlong production process behind them. Then when I was supposed to start back up again, this breakup happened and I was just shattered. I completely unplugged, quit everything, didn’t touch my phone for like two months. Then I felt like, Okay, I’m kind of ready to start getting back into it. I have to tell people what happened.
What has the response been like?
I’ve had some videos go viral before, so to speak, but nothing like this. The comments have been very encouraging, and I definitely feel a lot of love and support.
Was there a divide in the responses from men and women?
Yes, and across platforms. Somebody on Twitter reposted the video, and it got a bunch of views there and the comments were more mean, like “This woman’s crazy. It’s her fault for moving.” Whereas on Instagram and places where I posted it directly, it was way more people having compassion. This has happened to so many people.
Women in the comments are telling these horrible, horrible stories about similar experiences with men. How does that make you feel?
It’s so disappointing because I believe in love. I’m proud of myself for taking the leap and moving to Texas with him. I think that’s a strength, and I think it’s really sad that so many women have been punished for their strength and their faith and commitment to love instead of rewarded for it. It’s a shame.
Have you heard from your ex at all since the video?
No. I had asked him to block me because I was having a hard time keeping no contact. But before the video blew up, I sent him a really long email that was kind of like a closure email, like a ten-page dissertation on the demise of our relationship. It sounds crazy, but it was very well thought out and very therapeutic to write. I wanted him to respond to that. I don’t know if he will, but last week, I was really worried about him because people were trying really hard to find him. I did hear via a mutual friend that he is aware that it exists but he hasn’t seen it.
You say in the video that you drove to Florida to live with your mom. Are you still living with her? How’s that going?
It’s nice to just be able to have this creative period, to not have to pay rent. I just fell apart for two months and wrote songs and made clothes as a therapeutic thing. But I’m ready to move on.
Are you considering dating again?
I’ve gone on some dates. My heart is not open right now, but it’s good to keep myself distracted. I definitely downloaded Hinge way too early, but it was a nice ego boost.
You’re going through this really traumatic breakup, but you’ve also had this thing go viral and it’s great for your career, I would imagine. Would you rather have had this go viral, or would you rather get back together with him?
I would probably take it all back and just want to be with him. I see in hindsight that he’s not the best for me, but I was so happy with my little life with him. This is probably the most success I’ve seen in my career, but it’s just a career.
Would you still get back together with him?
I am embarrassed to say how often I wish I could, even though I know I can’t. I wish he would just show up at my front door and fall to his knees and tell me he made a huge mistake and he’s looked in the mirror and realizes how wrong he was and he can never forgive himself. But I know that’s not going to happen.