While no one handbook can guide someone through every unexpected moment when transitioning — even, ahem, ones that come close — we can look to those who’ve been there before and learn from them. The Cut asked models, activists, artists, influencers, and more to share the advice, mantras, and support that helped them during their own transitions.
Emira D’Spain, first Black transgender Victoria’s Secret model
Which mantra or quote motivates you in difficult moments?
“No rain, no flowers.” Bad days are inevitable, but so are great ones. Transitioning is a long journey that is going to have its ups and downs, but that’s the beauty of it. To all of my young trans people, the good days are coming. It’ll all work out, I promise.
Janet Mock, author of Redefining Realness
What’s the most gender-affirming gift you’ve received?
My best friend, Wendi Miyake — now an accomplished celebrity makeup artist — gave me a lanyard of Lip Smacker lip balms when we were 12-year-old budding queens gallivanting on the streets of our hometown, Kalihi, Hawaii, on the island of Oahu. They were my first most cherished and prized possessions — my girlhood initiation into the Divine feminine. I felt seen and affirmed in my trans girlhood.
Naomi Hearts, @naomiheartsxo on TikTok
What’s the one piece of advice you received during your transition that stuck with you?
“There is no right or wrong way to be trans.” People often feel that trans people need to look a certain way or do certain things — like medically transition — to be trans. That is not the case. At the end of the day, to be trans is who you are at the core, and nothing and no one can change that.
Jari Jones, model
Are there any products that have been especially helpful to your transition?
A good wig really was helpful in my journey. While other products like bras or gender-affirming underwear became a staple in my everyday wear, my wigs gave me the ability to find out what kind of woman I was. They gave me permission to explore and have fun. I got to choose who Jari was — and who she was going to be.
Gigi Gorgeous, @GigiGorgeous on YouTube
What’s the most gender-affirming gift you’ve received?
My mom passed when I was 19, and that’s basically what made me transition. I was like, Life’s too short. I’m gonna do this. And ever since then, whenever I see a ladybug, I just feel her. Recently, my husband got me this beautiful Judith Leiber ladybug clutch. I was like, Oh my God, I feel like my mom is finally seeing me as a girl.
Geena Rocero, activist, model, and author of the memoir Horse Barbie
What’s the one piece of advice you received during your transition that stuck with you?
My trans mother Tigerlily always said, “You have to find people who only want the best for you. Once you’ve found them, do everything you can to nurture that relationship to make it last.” Chosen family and community doesn’t always need to be 20 or 10 people — sometimes, it only takes one person.
Devin Halbal, @hal.baddie on TikTok
What was the most meaningful conversation you had with someone when you were first transitioning?
My doctor Johanna was a big resource for me at the beginning of my transition. I would spend hours asking her questions and talking about my fears. We spoke about how my breast tissue would grow and some of the fat distribution would change. My doctor was very affirming to me with compliments and always made me feel beautiful. She will always have a special place in my heart.
Chella Man, actor and artist
What’s one piece of advice you received during your transition that stuck with you?
“Free yourself from the constructs and stereotypes that you may have been taught you have to possess in order to claim a certain attribute or identity marker.” For example, I identify as genderqueer, nonbinary, and it took me a long time to accept that this doesn’t mean I have to dress in a specific way, present as stereotypically androgynous, or use they/them pronouns. It’s just how I feel inside.
Angelica Ross, actress, activist, and founder of career program TransTech Social
What’s the most gender-affirming gift you’ve received?
For so many Christmases, I would get the socks, ties, and different things that were just not in alignment with who I was. I realized my mother was ready to accept me when she bought me a Victoria’s Secret gift card. It was the presentation and femininity of all of the things: Everything was in a Victoria’s Secret bag. Things just started switching from that moment on.
Trace Lysette, actress
What’s the one piece of advice you received during your transition that stuck with you?
“Take your time with surgery.” It will come when it’s supposed to. Or maybe you will be fine with yourself just the way you are after the hormones do their thing.
Lennon Torres, dancer
What’s the one piece of advice you received during your transition that stuck with you?
“You don’t need to have all the answers to start making changes in your life.” As someone who loves to know and understand everything before taking action, I didn’t realize that the best thing you can do as a person transitioning is to give yourself the permission to take as many steps as feel right to you. I waited so long to change, because I didn’t know how things would turn out. This was a disservice to myself and my growth. Movement is progress, so take it one day at a time and get to work.
Alex Renee, @stapleyourmouthshut on TikTok
What’s the one piece of advice you received during your transition that stuck with you?
“Try not to worry about what other people will think or say.” If being myself hurts someone, so be it. I deserve to be happy and live my life to the fullest.
Ceyenne Doroshow, founder of nonprofit Gays and Lesbians Living in a Transgender Society (GLITS)
What was the most meaningful conversation you had with someone when you were first transitioning?
On my 16th birthday, I was blessed to have assistance from Taka Boom, Chaka Khan’s sister. I was a very inquisitive young person who loved the presence of elders but was very much in need of assistance, stuck in a nightclub bathroom, unable to move or talk. This young woman explained to me that there are many moments I’m gonna go through in life when I feel embarrassed, but it’s okay — life is a learning tool. Then she took me out on the dance floor and introduced me to Chaka Khan.
Isis King, model
What’s the one piece of advice you received during your transition that stuck with you?
“The journey is a lifelong one.” It takes a lot of effort and courage to be who we are as trans people and to live our lives every day. Enjoy the process.
Valentina Sampaio, first openly trans Victoria’s Secret model
Are there any products that have been especially helpful to your transition?
As a teenager, putting on makeup made me feel complete like the other girls. I would look in the mirror and think, Now I am ready. That process of preparing myself gave me a sense of connection to confident femininity, which I felt reflected my true identity.