Going on a first date can be a lot. What should you wear? Where should you go? And the most trippy of all: Um, what am I supposed to even talk about?! For one, Leah Aguirre, licensed therapist and relationship coach, suggests focusing mostly on keeping it light.
“It helps to take the stress off you and your date,” she says. To help ease the nerves and stop from clamming up (or word-vomiting), Aguirre has a tip: “I always encourage people to treat first dates like a new friendship. It helps to reduce anxiety and take some of the pressure off to perform or be liked.”
Master certified relationship coach Amie Leadingham agrees, noting that avoiding getting too deep or serious is key to making each other feel comfortable for a first meeting. “The key is not about interrogating them or forcing heavy conversations,” she explains. “It’s about being present, listening actively, and sharing your authentic self, too.” This brings us to her game-changing tip for first dates: open-ended questions.
You want to ask questions that spark conversations, right? Right. Well, open-ended questions invite someone to share their passions, values, and dreams without feeling like an interrogation, says Leadingham. “Always start with a how, what, or why,” she says. “Rather than ‘Did you like growing up here?,’ try ‘What was it like growing up in your neighborhood?’ It opens up so many more avenues.”
Below, you’ll find even more first-date conversation topics and open-ended questions guaranteed to help you avoid any awkward silences.
Pop Culture (Music, TV, Movies):
1. What song lyrics did you get completely wrong until recently and what were they?
2. If you could only listen to one type of music genre for the rest of your life, what would it be and why?
3. What’s your go-to karaoke song?
4. What’s a song that, without fail, will get you on the dance floor?
5. What about a song that makes you cry?
6. What’s the most embarrassing song you have saved on Spotify?
7. What shows are you binge-watching right now?
8. What’s your comfort TV show?
9. What are the top three movies I should see before I die?
10. What movie/show do you put on when you don’t know what else to watch?
11. I can’t watch a show without also scrolling … do you have any recommendations that make you put your phone down?
12. What’s your most controversial opinion on music or TV/movies?
Travel:
13. If we got on a plane right now, where would we go?
14. Do you speak any other languages?
15. Do you have any fun travel plans coming up?
16. Have you traveled to other countries?
17. What was your favorite place to visit?
18. Best travel hack you swear by?
19. What’s the next place you want to cross off your travel list?
Food and drink:
20. If you could only eat one type of cuisine for the rest of your life, what would it be and why?
21. Favorite pasta shape?
22. What are your top three favorite beverages?
23. What’s one restaurant that everyone should go to and what should they order?
24. What about a restaurant no one should ever go to?
25. What’s your favorite version of potatoes? I feel like everyone has a different answer.
26. Tell me what your last meal on earth would be — I want apps, mains, sides, and desserts.
27. What’s your favorite weird food combo?
28. What’s your favorite thing to cook?
29. What’s your “I had a bad day so I’m getting so much food on Seamless delivered” order?
Everyday stuff:
30. What does your perfect Sunday look like?
31. Are you more of a text or phone-call person?
32. What’s your favorite type of place to go out go out — bar, restaurant, club?
33. What does your stay-in-and-chill night look like?
34. If you weren’t worried about coming off wrong, what would you brag to me about?
35. Outside of work, what do you spend most of your time doing?
36. What do you wish you had more time to do on the weekends?
37. What are your thoughts on brunch?
38. When do you normally wake up and go to sleep? I’m getting a strict nine hours.
39. What gives you the biggest ick?
40. What’s your favorite thing and least favorite thing about your job?
41. Do you have any pets? Tell me their name, age, occupation, everything.
42. What would be your dream pet?
43. What’s your weirdest quirk?
44. Do you have any weird random talents?
45. What do you like to read? Are you more of a Kindle or OG paperback type?
46. What do you do after a shitty day at work?
47. What’s your perfect call-out-of-work “sick” day?
48. Have you ever had to do those super-awkward icebreakers at work where they ask you to tell a “fun fact” about yourself? What’s yours?
49. If you took me on a tour of your hometown, where is the first spot we’d go?
50. What’s something you did when you were young and dumb that you look back on now and can’t believe you made it out alive?
51. What’s your favorite conspiracy theory?
What if I’ve tried everything and the conversation still isn’t flowing?
“If you feel like you are not being given anything and the conversation has come to a complete stop, you can always end the date early,” suggests Aguirre. “I don’t believe you have to force a conversation or have another drink if you feel like the date has run its course.” She advises keeping it short and simple with something like, “Well, it’s getting late, I think I’m going to head out.”
First dates can feel so end-all-be-all, but Aguirre has a tip for that: “I tell clients to make a list of restaurants or coffee shops that they want to try so the experience is more about doing something novel and fun versus meeting a potential partner.” She explains that when you focus on the shared experience versus being obsessed — about liking each other, whether or not it’ll work out, or saying the wrong thing — it can help you relax and enjoy the process more.
The bottom line? Read the room and match their energy, says Leadingham. “I’ve found that when you’re genuinely curious about someone and create a safe space, the conversation naturally flows,” she says.