Sigh. Looks like it’s happening: The Supreme Court unanimously voted to uphold a law that would ban TikTok, which means that come January 19, or this Sunday, the video app might actually go dark. The Protecting Americans from Foreign Adversary Controlled Applications Act — what Congress passed while they procrastinated on anything useful — will make it illegal for app stores and web-hosting services to service TikTok unless Bytedance sells the app to an American owner. Well, R.I.P. I will miss feeling around my bed for my phone first thing in the morning and blasting through videos of people royally fucking up their mac and cheese until I’m late for work. I will miss lingering embarrassingly long on tarot readings that confirm my crush has actually been in love with me this whole time. The app was good — often bizarre, sometimes educational, and very fun.
There is the possibility that President Donald Trump will stage an emergency intervention or Bytedance will sell TikTok last-minute to someone like — shivers — Elon Musk. The outgoing Biden administration is punting to Trump to enforce the ban, though he doesn’t take office until Monday, leaving app stores to decide whether they want to comply on Sunday. If they do, TikTok will no longer be available for download in the app store. It’s unclear what will happen if you already have the app. There’s the possibility that users will receive a notice TikTok is no longer in service and find it nonfunctional, which is what has happened when social media platforms have been banned in other countries. The Information reported that TikTok is prepared to shut itself down. (If that’s the case, you might want to download your favorite videos to your camera roll now.) Or you might be able to use the app for a while without updates, until the experience grows sluggish. Some might download a VPN and pretend they live in Canada. As Eva Galperin, the cybersecurity expert of the Electronic Frontier Foundation, told CBS MoneyWatch, circumventing the ban like that “should work just fine,” though she warns people to be careful about which VPNs they choose.
But perhaps you have to consign yourself to watching Instagram Reels and YouTube shorts. In a fuck-you move, many TikTok users have flocked to RedNote, the Chinese version of Pinterest/Instagram, and are crushing their Mandarin lessons on Duolingo. The noblest of us will see this as an opportunity to log off. Might I recommend getting a library card?