According to Collinsdictionary.com, the most commonly used word in the English language is “the.” Hm. No disrespect to Collinsdictionary.com, which seems like a fine website, but actually, the most commonly used word in the English language — based on a brief survey of my own Slacks, texts, and group chats — is “omg.” This simple, concise, versatile missive encompasses a wide range of meanings, from “This is incredible, Earth-shattering news!!!!” to “I can’t be bothered to click on that link you just sent.” According to a team of researchers (me) at another words-based website (thecut.com), “omg” can mean:
• I’m acknowledging that I received your message.
• I’m probably not going to read this link you sent, but the headline looks wild.
• This link is kind of funny! Like a 5 or 6 out of 10, maybe.
• I don’t really understand the significance of what you just told me, but it seems important. I’m hoping you’ll elaborate.
• Hey, this is relevant to that thing we were talking about earlier.
• Check out this tweet.
• This is a nice picture of you!
• I can’t come up with anything clever to say.
• I’m buying myself a little more time to come up with a clever response that will establish me as the alpha of this group chat.
• Everyone shut up, I have a mild inconvenience I’m about to complain about.
• You’re complaining about a mild inconvenience, and it does indeed sound annoying.
• You’re complaining about a mild inconvenience, and it sounds like actually you were the one in the wrong, but we’re not close enough for me to tell you that.
• I love this really good piece of gossip you promised you wouldn’t tell anyone but that you told me as long I promised not to tell anyone.
• Everyone shut up, someone just told me a really good piece of gossip they made me promise not to tell anyone, but I’m about to tell you as long as you promise not to tell anyone.
• Holy shit. A puppy.
• Holy shit. A kitten.
• Oh my God.