Because no two paths to parenthood look the same, “How I Got This Baby” is a series that invites parents to share their stories.
Alice, 30, calls herself “the most introverted person in the world.” As a child, she hated being the center of attention, even at her own birthday parties. And as she grew up, she found that she was more likely to mindlessly scroll through social media than to post about herself. Throughout her life, she says, she has been able to count her friends on one hand.
In 2017, one of those friends convinced Alice to turn off Netflix and go to a New Year’s Eve party. That’s where she met her husband, James. “It was like a scene out of a movie,” Alice says. “I walked into his house as he walked down the stairs. He had no idea I was looking at him, but I was like, I have to meet this man.”
They married in October 2022 and settled in a Boston suburb. The couple planned to focus on their demanding careers — Alice worked in PR, and James was a software engineer — but five months later, Alice discovered she was pregnant. Fortunately, James’s excitement matched her own. And throughout her unexpected pregnancy, Alice found that following mom influencers on TikTok and Instagram — from first-time mothers in Nashville and Canada to celebrities with newborns — helped her develop confidence about becoming a parent. “They were all saying, ‘Motherhood’s the best!’” Alice says. “It just felt so easy — you know, the ‘day in the life’ where everything’s perfect. They can get their workout in! They can make their coffee!”
But then Alice’s son arrived, and the reality of parenthood hit her hard. She developed postpartum anxiety and inescapable self-doubt. “I felt duped,” says Alice. “I had been so excited about all the positives that people were showing me online. It made it a lot heavier to feel the hardships and challenges of motherhood.”
Here, Alice recalls how this difficult postpartum period led her to join the legions of influencers she had been following — and what it’s been like trying to build a following while raising her son.
On her first few months of motherhood
After bringing my son home from the hospital, I realized I had very intense postpartum anxiety. I was exclusively breastfeeding and feared he wouldn’t latch and my milk supply would drop. I didn’t feel like I was a “natural” mother or that I had any maternal instincts. I was ashamed about that and thought I was a failure.
Honestly, I was probably very difficult to deal with. I didn’t want anyone to hold my son, sometimes not even James. I didn’t trust anyone. Even when my son was sleeping, I’d stay up staring at him. By the time I finally got comfortable trusting myself as a mom, my 20 weeks of maternity leave were up.
On her wish to be a stay-at-home mom
James and I spent hours building Excel sheets, trying to find a financial path that would allow me to quit my job and stay home. He saw how crippling returning was for me. I’ve always had anxiety, but for the first time, I was having full-blown panic attacks. Still, in the end, I knew I had to return to remote work and bring in a nanny.
But I had started thinking, What job can I do that would allow me to base my schedule around taking care of my son? For a while, I thought maybe I’d become a fitness instructor, but that was too center stage for me. A friend of mine owns a talent management company, so I asked her, “What’s a typical deal for influencers?” She told me one post can pay $20,000 and that one of her clients had just signed a deal for $100,000. It obviously depends on how many followers you have, but it can be insane money. That opened my eyes.
On her first Instagram post
I had a private Instagram and a TikTok, really just to look at other videos. I had little to no posts myself. But I bought a tripod for $26 and started filming my son’s daily routine and some inspirational messages. I kept saying I wanted to post them, but I never did.
Then James and I had an argument that left me run-down and upset. We don’t argue often, so when we do, it takes a lot out of me emotionally. I was just feeling like, I need an outlet. I didn’t have any hobbies other than exercise. That’s what finally pushed me to post something.
The first video I posted publicly was my son, who was about one at the time, crying. I had put my phone on a tripod and filmed myself trying to make him a grilled-cheese sandwich for lunch. He wanted to help. And so I was like, “You know what? We’re gonna figure out a way to do this together.” When I picked him up, he was extremely happy to be involved. I made lunch with one hand. It was a moment to be like, Remember to take a step back. You don’t need to rush. It wasn’t heavy or personal, just a good message I wanted to put out.
But as soon as it went up, I started spiraling, thinking, What are people I know going to say about me? That was probably the biggest emotional hurdle I had to mount. It’s much easier for me to engage and be authentic with people who don’t necessarily engage back — people I have no commitment to being friends with.
The post got over 2,000 views on Instagram and just under 1,000 on TikTok. Soon after, I reached out to my talent-manager friend and was like, “All right, now that I’m ready to really lay it out on the line, what does it take?” And that’s when I started digging into influencing as a serious thing.
On her content going viral
Within a month of getting started, my best friend, who also TikToks as a mom, texted that one of my videos was going viral. It was a video of me, her, and another friend dancing with our babies. It hit a million views on TikTok. I thought This is it! — you know, my big break. I figured, Okay, people like seeing how fun it is to be a mother. So I posted more content that pretty much followed that same style. But it didn’t resonate. My next post got like 300 views.
It’s such a high when you go viral. But then you post another video and it doesn’t do the same — that’s when disappointment sets in. If all my videos did poorly, I don’t think the low numbers would affect me. But I felt the thrill of going viral, so going back down has been pretty rough.
On getting to know other influencers
I’ve discovered that a huge thing about growing a following is engaging with other people on Instagram and TikTok. In the beginning, I started out commenting: “I love this! I’m gonna follow you” on people’s posts. I’ve found that when I engage with others who have around my size following — that is, under 5,000 — they’re more than willing to engage back. It’s a mutually beneficial relationship.
There’s also a lot of duplication in the messages we’re putting out. I thought people would be offended if I saw their video and put my own spin on it. But that’s not the case at all. One of the girls I follow posted a video about taking her baby to see Christmas lights during witching hour. I was like, That’s a genius idea. I posted a video with the same message but different clips, music, wording and hashtags, and she commented, “Yeah, that’s amazing!” I was like, “You were my inspiration.” She wrote back, “We’re all in this together.”
I thought it was going to be more competitive: Don’t share ideas! Don’t hype each other! I couldn’t have been more wrong. They’re such a supportive group of women. I feel we’re friends now. They’re like a support system.
On getting into a regular posting habit
I post two to three times a day and spend two to three hours a day on posts. We have a nanny Tuesday through Thursday, and Friday through Monday I have my son full time. When he’s with me, I can make more content because it’s him and me interacting. In the morning, I set my phone on the tripod and move it room to room with us alongside our daily routine. Then when he’s in bed, I go through and edit what I shot, remembering how I was feeling in that moment and seeing if I can come up with something.
A lot of the videos where I talk directly to the camera are done when I’m working my day job from my home office. A thought will pop into my head and I’ll post it.
Within ten minutes of posting, I pretty much know if it’s going to do well or not based on how quickly the views or engagement comes in. I’m staring at my phone, seeing where things are going to go. After ten minutes, I’ll either delete the video because it’s embarrassing and not going to work or keep it and move on. If it’s good, I get more excited and want to keep checking on it.
On her boundaries
I’d probably get more followers if I showed my son’s face, but that’s not something I’m comfortable with. I do my best to make sure his face is never directly on-camera, though he’s a busy toddler and that doesn’t always work. My phone is always off to the side. If he starts to laser in on it, I stop recording and put it away. Sometimes that means not getting any footage, but I’m okay with that.
In general, the biggest challenge hasn’t been balancing parenting with creating content but maintaining focus on my 9-to-5 job. I won’t sacrifice time with my son for social media, but it’s getting harder to stay focused on my work during the day.
When I feel like I’m starting to go down a TikTok rabbit hole, James is like, “We said we’re doing no phones right now.” I’ve asked him to help keep me grounded and not get swept into constantly being on my phone. I want to be present for my son, but I’m also recording everything and turning it into bite-size snippets to share with the world. It’s hard to balance both.
On what James thinks of her social-media accounts
James is not a social-media person, but he sees that this brings me so much joy, and I really think that’s all that matters to him. He made a TikTok account just to follow me, but he hasn’t opened the app more than once. And he doesn’t want to be part of the content, which I respect. Honestly, every time I mention him, my posts underperform. My audience isn’t interested in a supportive-husband narrative.
On what her friends think of her accounts
You see a lot of influencers talking about receiving more support from strangers than their own inner circle, and unfortunately that’s a very clear observation I’ve made.
My family is really proud that I’m putting myself out there. But some of my closer friends haven’t even acknowledged it. I’m not offended. If anything, it’s helping me edit my friendships. I hardly have time for myself, let alone friends who aren’t interested in supporting me.
I do think it will be interesting to see if some of my friends change their tune if I gain a prominent following.
On her plans to monetize
It’s been about four months, and I have almost 900 followers. Once I hit 1,000, I can start benefiting financially, like doing the Amazon storefront and applying for TikTok’s affiliate program. I’ve been told you can make $2,000 to $5,000 a month this way, but you have to put in a lot of work, like posting 40-plus videos on one product.
I really want to be careful not to come across as someone who just wants to make money because that’s not the only goal I have. I want to build trust in my followers before I push products on them. I’ve already had brands DM me saying they want to work with me. But until it’s something that aligns with my audience, not crappy jewelry that’s gonna turn your fingers green, I’m going to steer clear.
I have to find my niche while appealing to a huge population of people. My base is predominantly first-time moms, but I want to attract young women who one day want children, expectant mothers, new moms, moms of multiple children, moms with grown children. Finding something unique to do that appeals to everyone is difficult.
People aren’t very interested in me as a person yet — my posts do better when I share universal truths about motherhood. Like recently my son started signing the word “milk” and bringing my nursing pillow to me. We’re cutting down on nursing, so I had to explain, “No milk right now.” I posted about that, letting moms know they weren’t alone with this struggle. It resonated, and has over 250,000 views.
On her future as an influencer — and as a mom
I’d like to get to a point where I can quit my job and stay at home with my son. But I’ll feel like I’ve “made it” as an influencer once I see any financial return or a following that’s a big number, like 10,000.
Within two or three years, if I feel like I’m not getting close, I think I’ll be like, “All right, this was fun.” I’ll keep doing it, but I won’t dedicate as much time to it.
I absolutely want more kids, but I also want to ensure James and I are financially and mentally ready. I can imagine us starting to try for our second child later this year. Until then, I’m focused on my son. When he watches all these videos one day, I hope he’s proud of me — both for being his mom and being so vulnerable about motherhood.
I definitely still have anxious moments, but I’ve gotten so much better. When I post videos of me having a rough day and I hear from moms sharing their stories, it makes me feel less alone. I’m much more confident now.
The names of the subjects have been changed to protect their identities.
Want to submit your own story about having a child? Email [email protected] and tell us a little about how you became a parent (and read our submission terms here).
More From This Series
- The Mom Who Gave Birth While Incarcerated
- The Mom Who Went Into Heart Failure at 20 Weeks
- The Ukrainian Mom Who Gave Birth to Premature Twins As Russia Invaded