When a woman gets bangs, you know she is powering through a cathartic, soul-restoring breakup. When a man gets a faux-hawk, he is having the most intense divorce of his life. At least, that is what Ben Affleck’s head is telling me. In what might be the strongest indicator of a Bennifer divorce yet, Affleck was seen on Sunday zooming around L.A. on a bright-blue electric motorcycle, a Red Hot Chili Peppers tee clinging to his torso and his hair buzzed into a wide strip running vertically along the top of his skull. That is one way to indicate that you’ve “finalized” divorce papers.
To recap, Affleck is almost definitely in the middle of a split with Jennifer Lopez, due to the fact that their relationship was, per “Page Six,” a “fever dream.” These two may have reunited 20 years after their first engagement and made us all believe in the power of love, but now they are spending their anniversary apart and walking around without wedding rings. It’s so depressing. Anyway, no one does divorce like our Benny boy, who, according to rumor and some visual evidence, got an enormous tattoo of a phoenix rising from the ashes the same year he split up with his last wife, Jennifer Garner. And, right on schedule — perhaps to celebrate his new $20 million bachelor lair — he dug up a statement-shoulder leather jacket and ventured out astride a flashy motorcycle. The message, to me, is coming through clearer than the skin on Affleck’s temples: He is getting a divorce.
At least he’s learned one lesson — unlike a large back tattoo, you can grow out a faux-hawk.